Saturday, September 4, 2010

Happy Father's Day!

In honour of Father's Day, I'm doing a special post dedicated to my own father who I love and has only ever offered me the best and most practical of advice! Here's an array of some of my dad's best jokes/advice/jokes with advice undertones. Try and guess which is which (harder than you may think) :
  • Dad gets to sit at table with kids for once, uses as platform to embarass me. "Hey, hey, guess what? We're on the cool table!" *Points at airconditioner and sniggers*
  • Comes home with yoghurt for me and lifts up shirt: "Hey, we got you a six pack!"
  • "Damn Westerners"
  • Timetabling with my dad: "These holidays you have 3 weeks. There are 24 hours a day, let's give you 8 hours sleep plus another 3 hours for meals. Now you have 13 hours! You have 5 subjects, so let's do something reasonable like 2 hours study for each, so now you have 3 hours. 3 hours for spare time, I think that's more than generous don't you? Of course, you'll have less free time, the holidays before exams, but don't worry about that, just remember, hard work is the most important thing. Consider the graph." 
  • My dad's first love is his family, his second is Microsoft Excel, especially graphs.
  • "Damn Japanese"
  • After mum says someone complimented my rosy cheeks: "If you're lucky, they (Asian folk) won't cut your arms off and put you in a cage, make you beg for money. They like pink cheeks you know, think they're cute. Get more money."
  • "Damn Indians."
  • The reason why only last year I confidently lit a match: "When you were a baby, your dad used to scream 'NO' whenever someone lit a match around you."
  • Left my mobile at home once again. Excerpt of dad's lecture, somewhere after 2 minutes of actually addressing the topic: "We'd have nothing in this society if there was no law. Just remember, never try drugs, they're against the law, and you'll die. And what's the most important thing? That's right, hard work. Just remember the graph."
  • And of course, everyone's favourite Asian pimp analogy! "You can't judge EVERYTHING by appearance (after deciding I liked the white camera better than the black one)! What if you were in Asia and you met a handsome man and he charmed you and then it turned out he was a PIMP! Then you'd be in trouble! Don't come crying back to me when you're working as a prostitute!"
  • "Damn Chinese."
 End. Happy Father's Day to all the Dad's!